I'm sure that it's obvious that I write about things that are very important to me whether that be my children, my constant struggle with both physical and mental anguish, or even my biological horrible excuse of a father. While I write to express my anger and self-hatred mostly for myself and to get those feelings out, I still hope that someone else can hear what I'm saying and know that they are not misguided in their own feelings and that someone else is going through it with them.
Illuminate - This is my song to my kids for the time that we lost when I wasn't allowed to see them after my split with their mother. I was in such a dark part of my life when I decided to sit down and write this and the idea of plants needing light to grow and using that as a direct comparison to me needing my children in order to pull me out from the depths that I had sunk into my depression.
Suppressor - This is a callout of all the people who blindly follow what they are being brainwashed into believing without questioning whether it makes sense or is right. For me it specifically brings to mind the anti-science groups (anti-vaxxers, flat-earthers, people who deny climate change), those who support a corrupt and racist president, and those people who literally clutch to verses from the Bible as support for their bigotry and hate. The last part of the song is me asking if these people can open their eyes to these lies and reverse course from our sad histories.
Deadbeat - Lyrically this is my favorite song. I chose to write this song about my biological father after the birth of my daughter. Having her made me realize how little family I actually had but it also cemented for me what a deadbeat he truly was as I was growing up. I've always had so much anger towards him and this is me telling him that not only do I recognize how absentee he was but that I could never understand how a father could do that to his child and I will never become that kind of a man.
Pinched Nerves - This song is not only musically my favorite of the album but also it is collectively the entire band's favorite track which is why we chose it as the album title. Pinched Nerves is about the back issues that I've been having and the cycle of sleeplessness/insomnia, increased depression, and increased suicidal ideations that have been the result.
Lead Horse - Lead Horse is about my son and my promise to him that no matter what I will always be there for him and be a dad to him even though his mom and I didn't make it. The end of this song really resonates for me and for that reason is special to me because, as I've touched on, I grew up without a father and it's not blood that makes a man a dad and I want my son to know that we are bonded by my love for him.
Hey Elaine - I just wanted to write this song specifically for my daughter so that she would have this piece of me from the time when we were kept apart and maybe she could understand that while my motives may have seemed selfish, sometimes you have to do what is right for you and your sanity. I used the same metaphors of water and drowning in this song as I did in Lead Horse because it's my way of expressing how overwhelming the feelings of guilt and sadness are when it comes to my children and how they may possibly look at me some day as someone who abandoned them right after the split from their mother when they're older.
Blackout Brett - Blackout Brett got it's name from Brett Kavanaugh and what his victims said about him during the hearings. This song is aimed at any assailant of sexual assault or harassment who thinks that they have or will get away with it. Sickeningly enough, this song reflects what has been going on behind closed doors and in the shadows for so long and I know it will resonate with a lot of people. The positive side to this is that we are entering a point in time where people are not tolerating it anymore and are demanding accountability and that's what I wanted to get across with the ending.
Eraserhead - Eraserhead is a song about my struggles with my mental health. When I was writing it, I needed to convey the ups and downs that I experience with each struggle to let others know that there are many people out there fighting the same fight as them. I know that I am incredibly lucky to be able to bring myself into perspective when I get to the very lowest depths of my depression due to the anchor I have with my kids but I know that not everyone has that. If there is one thing I want someone to take from this song is that if you suffer from mental illness especially depression don't forget to ask for help and if you think that there is no one for you, please reach out to us.