I'd like to preface this article by saying that I'm a fan of vinyl. I love the texture and warmth of the sound and the feeling of tearing off the plastic of a new record. That being said, I'm a scumbag who partially jumped on the new trend of buying records but it's not to be cool or different, I genuinely like the format and the "vinyl revival" helped me find that out.  Anyway, back to why I hate everyone who listens to swill, sorry I mean pop punk.

1. It sounds bad/ once you go black you never go back.

Don't ask me to get into specifics because I can't but trust me from experience, colored vinyl sounds worse than classic black. My rudimentary google searching and browsing of audiophile forums has told me that the dye in colored vinyl makes it "tinnier" sounding. Another thing to keep in mind is that all vinyl is naturally clear and therefore isn't counted as a color.

2. It's not original anymore.

Let's be real, when you first saw a record with a psychedelic tie dye coloring it was pretty damn cool, but now it's been just about played out. Every pseudo hardcore and pizza pop punk band has a copy of their latest shit show on splattered wax. Here's a tip for bands releasing on vinyl, if you're gonna fuck up the pressing with colored copies, go all the way with the horrible quality and do a cheesy picture disc.

3. The literal bandwagon.

All the hip new cool bands are doing it! Advice: Bands who think they need a colored press, you're wrong. Spend the money on your alcoholism. 

4. Hipster Scum.

Everyone who has bought a record from an Urban Outfitters is the reason that this has happened. They go and get their nice clean white Being As Ocean and Neck Deep "vinyls" (Mini rant: VINYL IS IT'S OWN FUCKING PLURAL LIKE DEER. Anyone who says "vinyls" should be shot onsight." /rant) goes home and blogs about it on their Tumblr which is cleverly named with their name combined with a band name, therefore spreading this pretty vinyl disease through the youth. Go buy a CD at your local coffee bar and leave vinyl alone, douchebag.

5. Pretentious idiots.  

Think you're superior to those who listen to the same music on CD, digitally, or on a non-limited edition semen colored first press signed by the new dickhead popcore frontman? Your wrong, and your family prefers not to mention you out loud. Seriously, it's all the same. (except if it's on black wax, which is the true cvlt record style.)